Faithfulness.

Written on 3/24/16

Faithfulness.

Faithfulness is steadfastness, constancy, or allegiance; it is carefulness in keeping what we are entrusted with; it is the conviction that the Scriptures accurately reflect reality. Biblical faithfulness requires belief in what the Bible says about God—His existence, His works, and His character. Faithfulness is a fruit of the Spirit; it is the result of the Spirit working in us. But the Spirit is also our seal of faithfulness. He is our witness to God's promise that if we accept the truth about God, He will save us.

My word for the week is faithfulness.

In December, Vernon and I decided to grow our family. I had so many mixed emotions. I was really content with my perfect baby girl and our little family of 3. I had such an amazing pregnancy, labor and delivery with her and she was such a great baby was I ready to start over and see the scary side of all that? Was I ready to be pregnant again on top of an extra 20lbs too but we decided if we were gunna do it, we better do it now while Macyn was still young and we were still “able”…so byebye IUD on Feb 4. 

Few days after IUD removal, my body went into a complete disaster. I started bleeding SO heavy, I was having many other complications and to make matters worse my period was NINE days late. I have always been 27 days….and never was late before except when I was pregnant but test after test, it was negative. Plus there was NO way. Finally, my period came! But now how was I going to calculate my “fertile week”? How was I going to know when I needed to try to get pregnant since I really only had 4-5 days in one month. I became emotional, I became sad, I became mad at my body, at my self for every getting an IUD that was suppose to mess with NOTHING! I started to freak. I had a plan! MY plan was to get pregnant in March/April where I could spend more time off when it was born due to holidays but no my body was all messed up =( for the first time in 30 years..I was having issues! =( BUT I decided we would just try. What would it hurt? I would just calculate from when I started and go from there. I had no clue what day or even week I was going to ovulate? My past calcualtions were 2 weeks before my last calculations and ah. I was so stressed and my poor husband was so pressured haha. He seen my fear, my worry and my sadness because I knew this was ALL my fault if we weren’t able to get pregnant. But I knew I had to just try and pray. If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. 

So, we tried. For 2 weeks straight. Lots of tears, frustrations, feelings of pressure and anxiety. It wasn’t fun anymore. Why even try if we aren’t going to have fun? =P so finally, I just gave up. Gave up peeing on an ovulation stick and showing negative LH surge, gave up on checking my body signs 2-3 times a day and gave up on even the idea of getting pregnant again. I even let the devil take over my mind and body and said “Forget it! I don’t even want another child!” Our life is already crazy enough” 

BUT one night as I was sitting in my office working myself to death (HA!) something came over me. This peace, this calmness, this voice. It was the voice of Daniel, the prophet who spoke to me in Dillard’s before Macyn and he said “Remember Hannah? God has done it once HE WILL DO IT AGAIN!” I cried, I prayed. I remembered that to just ask God for the things you want and need. Tell him your desires. He is a faithful God. 

March 20^th (Palm Sunday) at 7am, I woke up and just KNEW it! I had some tests left over from where I was late last month but got negatives and just said “If it is negative- it is going to be okay. You are 2-9 days away from even starting your period. You can try again later this week”

But the moment I peed on it and pulled it out from between my legs…..it was POSTIVE! I just screamed “oh my God! Oh my God!” and although I wanted to do something so cute for Vernon it was all I could say! I was so shocked. God DID it again! He listened to MY desires! I prayed hard to get pregnant and he did it again! 

I bawled. I just laid in my husband’s arms and cried. I was so happy. I was so scared. I was so shocked. So many emotions overfilled me. Is this really real? Is this really what we wanted? OMGOSH! We are actually pregnant again and on our first try again!

Macyn couldn’t wrap around her mind why I was crying. She thought I was sad but I had to tell her some people cry when they are happy and that she was going to be a BIG sister and Mommy had a baby in her belly. She doesn’t fully grasp yet although yesterday (3/21) she asked me to lift of my shirt where she could see my belly. She said “just pop the baby out where I can see it” haha I told her she had to wait til it was really big then we can pop the baby out…she then said “but it is bigger!” *rolls eyes*

But yes, we are PREGNANT! Once again! And of course I had to wait a WEEK to tell everyone and anyone and I was about to DIE!! But we wanted to share the news on Easter and make it special!

Already having some queasy feelings and exhausted like no other but hopefully won’t be too sick or down this go around. Last time was a breeze but I also was on summer break and slept my days away haha =P This time I have to actually work with 19 7 year olds every minute of the day. 

**update on 4/4 

Wrote that before I went on Spring Break. My heart is and was so full <3

We told our family that we were having another baby on Easter. Well, actually we were only able to surprise V's family. Macyn had broke her front teeth again on Thursday night and I had to make sure she was okay, so on Friday I took her to the dentist and asked Mom to come with me since I was already stressed. As we were in the car, Macyn looks over at Grandma and says "I am gunna be a BIG sister!!! My momma has a baby in her bell-wee!" soooo while driving I had to tell Mom she was going to be a Grandma AGAIN!! =) 

It was bitter sweet even on a stressful weekend. <3